I look at life as always on the perspective where I would see the light despite the vast darkness or where I find clear waters despite raging tides and storm. I am very optimistic. I really do. For if not, I know I also could have been easily derailed from this track. I always try to make the lonesome parts of life happy, to glue the broken pieces of other's hopes and mine, and to clear smudges on the painting of my own dreams. It was as if always easier for me to do away with the worries, it was like always a good escape.
I think I have so much fervor and enthusiasm in almost everyhing. I do because I love what I do not merely doing what I love. Its also called contentment. But honestly, as I always do, to this point, I'm afraid I'm losing it. But that is the least I am wishing for. I need the same strength to hold my chin up and continue walking my path.
I have so much in my list I wanted to do. I have so much dreams I want to wake up having. I have so much hopes and aspirations, I pray I achieve. And I know with my persevarance I can make things happen, not now maybe but in the future that is for me to create and not merely see.
I want to teach in a university, to earn a Master's Degree, to pass another exam related to my profession, to start and grow a capital venture, to learn photography, to hone my skills in visual arts, to do more crafts, to build a house for my parents, to travel at least around the country, to volunteer for an NGO, to live more and help more.
But I'm afraid. I could not be that powerful to do all of them at the same time, as I always make myself comfortable with the art of muti-tasking. I must admit, I could not be that superwoman I used to think I could be. And with the present needs that is little by little accumulting in my bag of wants, where do I start then?
If only.
If I could also carry their dreams with mine. And make them happen as I carefully and unwearingly make mine. I hope it could be easier. I am not self-seeking, I don't.
If I could only have all we need and ask for, it wouldn't be hard, I wouldn't be guilty. It's stressful. Sometimes tiring. To seem to carry all on my just-developed shoulders. If I could, then I will. I am uncomplaining. It's hard for me to say no. I give what I can, more than how much I want it.
But I just don't have so much to give now. Time maybe, and as always, affection, but other than this simple luxuries, I have nothing. I can only boast on the intangibles I have acquired over the years of learning, of hoping, and of loving.
If only.
If I could ony be richer and more powerful, then it could be easy. But do I need them or they need it? I don't know. I fear I am being selfish, but the stronger fear is that, I might just make them depend on other's struggle and industry. I fear I will continue to inflict them fear of losing someone to hold on to. I fear I will not help them learn to stand on their own. And now, where will I stand? If I could only take both dreams and take more responisbilities, I could. It is for me to try anyway. Off I go?
Sunday, April 26, 2009
Monday, April 6, 2009
Summer Wishlist
I’m missing school: especially when my eight-year-old nephew played guessing game with me – his questions being drawn from the table of elements. I had at least I guess, 70% accuracy. Ehem.
But I’m missing school more because maybe, at this time of year, we have our break, just as my nephews. Oh! I just love summer – and the thought of being a sloth even for sometime. Hahaha!
And if I do have all the time I would want to do these for the summer:
1. Make a Scrapbook of my first real JOB.
2. Sketch.
3. Paint.
4. Learn the basics in photography.
5. Go somewhere far and cold.
6. Visit a beach.
7. Do gardening.
8. Read the book, Rich Dad, Poor Dad.
9. Prepare the best serving of halo-halo.
10. Meet with old friends.
11. Design a school’s yearbook.
12. Learn photoshop.
13. Go to Luneta Park for a picnic.
14. Play Badminton.
15. Watch a basketball game of my fave PBA team.
16. Watch seasons 2 to present of Heroes.
17. Make at least 3 business proposals for my brother-in-law.
18. Complete an Expert’s game in Minesweeper.
19. Watch a lot of movies.
20. Blog more!
What would you want?
Friday, April 3, 2009
A Reminder
This is an odd sign along Sen. Gil Puyat Avenue in Makati, Philippines where almost all, if not all billboards are commercial ads, event announcements or political schemes.
Aah! So short, yet so deep. So common, yet so striking. So plain, yet so sensible. So direct, yet still reflective.
Aah! So short, yet so deep. So common, yet so striking. So plain, yet so sensible. So direct, yet still reflective.
"Talk to God everyday. Life would seem to be easier."
Good Deeds
May I chronicle some simple act of kindness I received, contributed, or just observed in the last seven days and because whether I was benefited or not, I think, was still worth the ackowledgement.
On a Jeepney
I was reading a local broadsheet on my way to work. It was morning of Saturday. We were less than ten on a public ride, when the sudden stop of the jeepney had made all of the papers, except the one I held on my hand, spread in clutter. And before I knew it, they were already picking it up...A nice gesture from complete strangers who managed to exert a little of their effort to help a young lady who, in the first place, should have not even taken reading on a moving vehicle a hobby.
A Long Walk
We were almost half the distance we have to travel by foot to where we are going, when suddenly, I realized I forgot my mobile phone. I was with two of my officemates, who by then and like me, are also dyin to go home. I urged that they go ahead but they insisted it would be fine if they still accompany me on my way back t the office...They had the choice not to share the trouble but they showed their unselfish desire to keep me company, and it's really sweet.
Earth Hour
At 8;30-9:30 in the evening, Pacific time, we participated in the 60-second event calling for a complete lights-off. I never really knew how big its extent was but observing the call at our home and the many others who did, has I think, made the global event a success. I commend the idea behind this saving act and sacrifice. And although this only happens for an hour a year, when multiplied, is yet an act, I know, was appreciated by our mother Earth.
Musical Talents
They are all blind. They have undoubtedly, been showered the voices of angels. They are that good. The band's performance is a usual scene below EDSA-Ayala MRT station in Makati. And as I walk passed them, they make me appreciate music even that once, as I don't really have the inclination. Sometimes, I drop a coin in their donation box, most often, I don't. But just seeing the many spectators and listeners, delighted of what they see and hear, seems an assurance that before the end of the night, they could give at least a penny, for when accumulated, they could make hundreds and more for these fellows whose passion, their enthusiasm and their signing without pretense, despite their conditions were all admiring.
My own good deed.
One thing: I can not be too trusting anymore. Events today have made me question, is it bad doing good? or was it simply that the good was just taken advantage of? Officemates were telling me, I am too kind to have allowed, once more, credit to an already doubtful promise of being repaid. I have given, and am still giving the person the benefit of the doubt, but honestly, I have been disappointed. And whether I would be trusting this person again, and well, extend the many favors again, in lending, understanding, sympathizing and believing..that I don't know. Even the kindest, when he thought he was fooled losts his nerves in anger.
On a Jeepney
I was reading a local broadsheet on my way to work. It was morning of Saturday. We were less than ten on a public ride, when the sudden stop of the jeepney had made all of the papers, except the one I held on my hand, spread in clutter. And before I knew it, they were already picking it up...A nice gesture from complete strangers who managed to exert a little of their effort to help a young lady who, in the first place, should have not even taken reading on a moving vehicle a hobby.
A Long Walk
We were almost half the distance we have to travel by foot to where we are going, when suddenly, I realized I forgot my mobile phone. I was with two of my officemates, who by then and like me, are also dyin to go home. I urged that they go ahead but they insisted it would be fine if they still accompany me on my way back t the office...They had the choice not to share the trouble but they showed their unselfish desire to keep me company, and it's really sweet.
Earth Hour
At 8;30-9:30 in the evening, Pacific time, we participated in the 60-second event calling for a complete lights-off. I never really knew how big its extent was but observing the call at our home and the many others who did, has I think, made the global event a success. I commend the idea behind this saving act and sacrifice. And although this only happens for an hour a year, when multiplied, is yet an act, I know, was appreciated by our mother Earth.
Musical Talents
They are all blind. They have undoubtedly, been showered the voices of angels. They are that good. The band's performance is a usual scene below EDSA-Ayala MRT station in Makati. And as I walk passed them, they make me appreciate music even that once, as I don't really have the inclination. Sometimes, I drop a coin in their donation box, most often, I don't. But just seeing the many spectators and listeners, delighted of what they see and hear, seems an assurance that before the end of the night, they could give at least a penny, for when accumulated, they could make hundreds and more for these fellows whose passion, their enthusiasm and their signing without pretense, despite their conditions were all admiring.
My own good deed.
One thing: I can not be too trusting anymore. Events today have made me question, is it bad doing good? or was it simply that the good was just taken advantage of? Officemates were telling me, I am too kind to have allowed, once more, credit to an already doubtful promise of being repaid. I have given, and am still giving the person the benefit of the doubt, but honestly, I have been disappointed. And whether I would be trusting this person again, and well, extend the many favors again, in lending, understanding, sympathizing and believing..that I don't know. Even the kindest, when he thought he was fooled losts his nerves in anger.
Wednesday, April 1, 2009
It's a modest job
The Philippines, says a Hong Kong broadcaster, is "a nation of servants". So what? It's an honest job. I just read this on yesterday's local broadsheet and just heard tonight on local news.
Many have expressed their demands for apologies (which by now has been done as reported) especially women's groups. I understand. I too demand, on a rather calm, sincere, and reserved manner. Partly because I am a woman and a Filipina. But a larger part of which is because I am a daughter.
I remember being raised without the physical presence of my mama. Of going to school hoping that like my classmates, I was being accompanied to kindergarten school, not by my then 13 yrs old brother, but my mama or papa. I had my childhood and adolescence without the physical presence of a mother. This vital growing up stage has been compromised for the sake of our more secured future. I understand. We could have not finished school without my mama leaving and working abroad. And yes, she was a household help. She has endured a decade of giving foreign blood the comfort of living at home just to be paid by more than what she is paid in her own country performing a job more recognized and approved by a judging society.
She was perhaps at the upper 5% of her class when she graduated from a university, finished a degree in Education, and was an elementary teacher in our town's public school, but it wasn't just enough. Our family was growing, we are seven siblings, and my papa was then self-employed. I remember hearing stories of how difficult life was for them. My younger brother and I were just lucky to have been born in the later years, we don't have to experience so much of the troubles. This may have triggered her to go try luck abroad, like most teachers and many other professionals I guess have done then and now. All for the sake of feeding their families and hopefully create a brighter future for their kids; which I will not forget to credit to my mama. I credit this to her years of service to strangers and their children, to her years of lonesome nights, of longing to come home, and of wishing to serve her own family and her own country.
The job is not something to be ridiculed, and even any other jobs. It is not something to be talked about as less than great. Be it a balut vendor, a street sweeper, a takatak boy, a pedicab driver, a barker; or be it a farmer, a fish vendor, a sewer, a carpenter, a mason, a factory or a construction worker, etc. -- these are all honest workers earning a living for their families. They are the community's support. Little have their contributions been acknowleged. And little have they received praise for good work. The dirty jobs they call it, but its the hardest. We have been blinded by the impression that white collar jobs create professionals. It's a plain status. It still boils down to how you do your job, and how you perform it well. The only difference perhaps are their pay checks and their work place.
I, I work for a property developer and enjoys the convenience of an airconditioned room at our bulding's 28th floor and receives, for an entry level job, a perhaps good pay on the 15th and 30th of the month. But still, it doesn't make me think above the others. I remember a scene on the bus I took on my way home today, how a lady dressed in corporate uniform, has arrogantly warned, "Ano ba manong, paa ko yang inaapakan mo!" a middle-aged, medium-built, and by that time you could see, was already exhausted, mani vendor (from whom I bought peanuts for P5.00) of his stepping on on her foot. But prior to that, I already heard him, "pasensya na po kayo ma'am, makikiraan lang...", sign of his already courteous working attitude. It was so polite I myself have hated the lady for still being rude. The poor vendor humbly apologized one more, thanked the passengers who bought his goods and left. I could still see the lady being annoyed as her eyeballs rolled right-to-left. I hope scenes like this do not happen anymore - not in this country, and not in any part of the globe.
At the end of this all, every job still deserves respect. Not just those who are served but those who serves as well. We are not to make distinction between highest-paid executives or minimum-wage earners, or to draw a line between white-collar and blue-collar jobs, and more so, we are not to step on even the smallest in the workforce for if not... some can't even call themselves big.
Many have expressed their demands for apologies (which by now has been done as reported) especially women's groups. I understand. I too demand, on a rather calm, sincere, and reserved manner. Partly because I am a woman and a Filipina. But a larger part of which is because I am a daughter.
I remember being raised without the physical presence of my mama. Of going to school hoping that like my classmates, I was being accompanied to kindergarten school, not by my then 13 yrs old brother, but my mama or papa. I had my childhood and adolescence without the physical presence of a mother. This vital growing up stage has been compromised for the sake of our more secured future. I understand. We could have not finished school without my mama leaving and working abroad. And yes, she was a household help. She has endured a decade of giving foreign blood the comfort of living at home just to be paid by more than what she is paid in her own country performing a job more recognized and approved by a judging society.
She was perhaps at the upper 5% of her class when she graduated from a university, finished a degree in Education, and was an elementary teacher in our town's public school, but it wasn't just enough. Our family was growing, we are seven siblings, and my papa was then self-employed. I remember hearing stories of how difficult life was for them. My younger brother and I were just lucky to have been born in the later years, we don't have to experience so much of the troubles. This may have triggered her to go try luck abroad, like most teachers and many other professionals I guess have done then and now. All for the sake of feeding their families and hopefully create a brighter future for their kids; which I will not forget to credit to my mama. I credit this to her years of service to strangers and their children, to her years of lonesome nights, of longing to come home, and of wishing to serve her own family and her own country.
The job is not something to be ridiculed, and even any other jobs. It is not something to be talked about as less than great. Be it a balut vendor, a street sweeper, a takatak boy, a pedicab driver, a barker; or be it a farmer, a fish vendor, a sewer, a carpenter, a mason, a factory or a construction worker, etc. -- these are all honest workers earning a living for their families. They are the community's support. Little have their contributions been acknowleged. And little have they received praise for good work. The dirty jobs they call it, but its the hardest. We have been blinded by the impression that white collar jobs create professionals. It's a plain status. It still boils down to how you do your job, and how you perform it well. The only difference perhaps are their pay checks and their work place.
I, I work for a property developer and enjoys the convenience of an airconditioned room at our bulding's 28th floor and receives, for an entry level job, a perhaps good pay on the 15th and 30th of the month. But still, it doesn't make me think above the others. I remember a scene on the bus I took on my way home today, how a lady dressed in corporate uniform, has arrogantly warned, "Ano ba manong, paa ko yang inaapakan mo!" a middle-aged, medium-built, and by that time you could see, was already exhausted, mani vendor (from whom I bought peanuts for P5.00) of his stepping on on her foot. But prior to that, I already heard him, "pasensya na po kayo ma'am, makikiraan lang...", sign of his already courteous working attitude. It was so polite I myself have hated the lady for still being rude. The poor vendor humbly apologized one more, thanked the passengers who bought his goods and left. I could still see the lady being annoyed as her eyeballs rolled right-to-left. I hope scenes like this do not happen anymore - not in this country, and not in any part of the globe.
At the end of this all, every job still deserves respect. Not just those who are served but those who serves as well. We are not to make distinction between highest-paid executives or minimum-wage earners, or to draw a line between white-collar and blue-collar jobs, and more so, we are not to step on even the smallest in the workforce for if not... some can't even call themselves big.
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